Dan Has Been Neglecting His Marriage! We Have the Proof!

April 15, 2011 — Leave a comment

dan is a jerk

Dan, it’s time for you to man up. Things have gotten bad. But you’re walking around thinking they’re fine. Sure, you might not be the best husband, but you couldn’t possibly be the worst. You’re down there though. How else to explain this desperate message scrawled, presumably by Mrs. Dan, on the wall of Union Station in Chicago?

Nine years, Dan. NINE YEARS! The time for neglect is over. You’re coming up on ten years! Is it a mistress Dan? Are you focusing too much on your career? Are you gambling too much or spending too many nights getting lap dances instead of tending to your wife? Whatever the case, Dan, there’s still time. The writing is on the wall. Literally. Read it! Stop the neglect! I’m rooting for you.

I am ready to help in any way we can, just drop me a line and I’ll use the powers of the Internet to fix your marriage. If you’re still skeptical about the state of Dan’s marriage examine the evidence in full here.