Modern Serenity Prayer for God Fearing Americans

June 4, 2013 — Leave a comment


You are killing it this week. You’re fucking killing it. I understand. I really do. The thing is, by Wednesday you’ve run into an endless stream of morons, mouth breathers, and double morons and they are screwing the whole thing up. I’m here to say, “don’t you let them!”

Fuck those motherfuckers. You’re awesome and if they’re not down with that they can pull to the side and suck trash/exhaust as you blow past them literally doing a metaphorical 200 mph while littering Taco Bell wrappers from the last few weeks of awesome meals you’ve consumed out the window and straight up into their windshield area.

I don’t advocate actual littering (duh), but literally metaphorically littering on someone who is harshing your shit is totally an ace move in 2013. Actual littering is not. That would be cool if you time machined back to 1964. The whole world was a trash bin back then (according to the old Earth Day book that I had in 2nd grade from The Scholastic Book Club). Do they still have the Scholastic Book Club? Who didn’t love that monthly flyer? I’ll tell you who: the fucking idiots ruining your week who probably can’t even read.

So what do you do? Let them ruin your week? Fuck no. Grow up. Say a prayer. You need serenity and we have the prayer to get you there. That rhymed on accident, but it’s probably due more to the fact that I am a writing god and on some 10,000 hour Malcolm Gladwell shit right now and when I write it just comes out genius and I don’t even have to contemplate than dumb luck. Even if it was dumb luck, they say you make your own luck. Either way, my train of awesome is full steam ahead Back to the Future III-style. Hill Valley 1985 or I’m going straight into Clayton’s Revine. Boom.

Anyway. Morning, noon, night, fourth meal, whenever this is the prayer that will life you up:

God grant me the serenity to kick some motherfucking ass today and karate chop the shit out of anyone slowing down my train of awesome.

Rinse and repeat until Friday.