One of the benefits of being friends with people who know strippers is that they share the crazy stories and ridiculous side of humanity they are privy to on a day to day basis. Customers, bouncers, DJs, shot girls and fellow strippers combine for a perfect storm of insanity and depravity. The other morning I received a text message with this photo attached.
The photo shows a poster that a stripper named IsIs pinned up backstage imploring her fellow strippers to use HYGEENE HYGIENE prior to hitting the stage. In case that wasn’t enough, she specifically called out two areas of high importance: the “teeth” and the “vagina.” Obviously strippers need not be able to diagram a sentence, so we’re guessing that “teeth” and “vagina” in quotes is just a classic, Joey Tribiani-esque grammatical misunderstanding, but what if it’s not? What could a “vagina” be? Are some of these strippers packing “penises”?
Other general questions arise as well. Are the customers aware of this lack of hygiene? If this problem is endemic of the whole club, why isn’t management commenting? Why did it take a whistle-blower to bring this situation into the daylight? How the hell do you misspell the word “go”? Is there some strange intended contraction of “going on” that in stripper-ese comes out “goy on?” Is Isis implying that non-Jewish customers prefer a more hygienic strip club experience? What the hell is 100% hygiene? Is there a scale on which hygiene is measured? Can you somehow be 50% hygienic? Like, say, if I showered at 12pm, would I be 50% hygenic 12 hours later at midnight (assuming that hygiene resets every 24 hours)? Could she be referring to vaginal teeth like in that recent horror film Teeth or regular old mouth teeth?
Either way, we hope Isis continues to leave notes and we keep getting copies of them to leak. Hell, maybe SD can become the Wikileaks of confidential stripper notes. Is there a treasure trove of other stupid stripper notes out there on the internet? Let us know. All we could find after some Googling and Binging around was this helpful note some club manager left for the dancers on his day shift.